Ok so I was watching sex in the city, which I totally shouldn't do, but what else was there to rent at pick a flic on Sunday night. Anyways I realized something.

First off, Erin’s all mad because last night I crashed at her house. I’ll lay this out. I went over... with wine and treats. He boyfriend played the scariest fucking movie ever and then we watched Blair Witch, after or maybe before I was ditched by my roommate and would have had to sleep alone. Alone in my ghetto basement apartment, 28 more sleeps. Ok so Michael after telling a million scary stories offered for me to sleep over, wait that's when room mate ditched me. Ok so I take him up on the offer and suddenly I’m in trouble with Erin or she's pissed off or some fucking bull-shit.

Here’s the deal and what I realized while watching sex in the city, I am way better to my friends (out here at least) than they are to me. Beth being the exception I think. If Erin needed to sleep over ever night for a month she could, and chances are good I would get up and make breakfast for everyone. She’s fucking mad at me. I have a mother, who I love, and she is the only person who can guilt me and get away with it. I DON'T NEED FUCKING GUILT TRIPS. I AM A GOOD FRIEND.

Seriously, I bend over backwards to be nice to everyone out here and I get this shit, I don't think so. On sex in the city, Carrie sleeps over at Miranda’s after getting a call at like 4 am because Miranda’s thinks there is a ghost. Now I realize the whole fictitious characters, not actual people thing but come on. Friends are there for each other, I guess that's why I’ve been thinking about Sal so much lately, he was a real friend to me. He put in the exact same amount of effort, maybe more, as I did. And he tried to tell me that I didn't have to put up with people who didn't do that. He said that friends are always there for you, not most of the time.

It’s 12:41am here, if I was to call Christina she would be super tired but she would talk. I think she's in Mexico maybe but that's not the point. She’s the kind of person I want to be friends with, not someone who doesn't appreciate me and care about me. That’s what really hurts caring about someone and having them throw it in your face.

But I’m totally lucky, because I do have friends who are real friends. I give up. Moral of story, maybe I shouldn't allow everyone a chance to be close to me, I should reserve that for people who prove they are a worthy friend? God that sounds awful. I don't really want to be that person though. I don't want to turn into what I don't like. I respect myself too much to be jerked around by people and I respect people too much not to give them a real chance.